I. Allegro con brio

1. Welcome to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony! One of the most beloved works of music ever created, and the inspiration behind the disco hit “A Fifth of Beethoven.”

2. The disco version sold 2 million copies, but the original classical version was put on a record made of gold, and shot into space. Outta sight!

3. The gold record also features greetings in 55 languages, including some extinct ones. Not sure why; maybe they were expecting space ghosts?

4. One language that was NOT included was Klingon. Seems like an oversight.  

5. Odds of a Klingon existing in outer space, intercepting the gold record, and listening to it instead of smashing it? Low. But little green men who speak Hittite? Freaky-deaky.

II. Andante con moto

1. The fifth symphony was premiered on a cold winter night in Vienna in 1808. It was a memorable concert for a number of reasons.

2. For one, the hall was not heated. Also, the concert lasted four hours. And the orchestra was painfully under-rehearsed.

3. Here at ROCO we pride ourselves on being neither under- nor over-rehearsed, but rather Just-Right-rehearsed. Mei-Ann will accept nothing less!

4. As fine a composer as has ever lived, Beethoven was apparently not a great conductor. He flailed and thrashed, knocking over lamps and hitting a stagehand in the face.

5. Now to be frank, the history of music includes quite a few characters who deserved a slap in the face. There’s one on stage right now, snoozing behind the timpani.

6. But stagehands are, by and large, tireless and humble and patient and considerate. And non-violent! Basically, the opposite of timpanists.

7. So after the concert, please find a stagehand and give them a hug and five dollars. They’ll blush and look at their shoes, but you’ll both feel good about it.

III. Scherzo: Allegro

1. Back to the music for just a moment. You may notice the horns, who interrupt a rather sneaky introduction with a jarring theme that resembles our opening four notes.

2. They’re like the drunk guy at the party who keeps trying to make the same point from 15 minutes ago. Perhaps the first instance of symphonic man-splaining.

3. You’ll hear it again, being mumbled by our timpanist, as the violins lead us out of this murky movement (without a break) into the sunshine of the finale!

IV. Allegro – Presto

1. Let us take this moment to welcome the trombones, who have just played their very first entrance in a major symphonic work. Worth the wait!

2. Before this, they were used primarily in church music. Because when you hear one you’re likely to say “Holy Moses what in God’s name is that?!”

3. Back in the 16th century a trombone was called a Sackbut, which is a term that has caused quite a few giggles in undergraduate music history class.

4. Trombones might not be the weirdest instruments in the orchestra, but they’re certainly in the conversation.

5. Meanwhile, trombone PLAYERS are some of the least weird people in the orchestra. Maybe that’s why they’re stuck in the back. Shunned for their normality.

6. Well, okay, they’re also way in the back because their instrument is a potential hazard. Those slidey-tube thingies could come loose at any moment!

7. Maybe that could give us a new slogan. ROCO: Music with Impact! ROCO: So Good it Hurts! ROCO: Bringing quality and excellence to… DUCK!